The Cost of Connectivity

I love sharing.

I love including my loved ones in my adventures, hobbies, and achievements. I love being inspired by the colors and creations of others out in the world. I love being able to find out about events that are happening, seeing pictures of loved ones, joining in joy that otherwise I would be too far away to witness. 

But..

I miss the blank canvas of the mind. The moments I would stare into my environment, not bored, but creating, thinking, dreaming. I miss the spaces of time where my mind would flex, stretch, and reach for more. Desiring to make beauty and not just look for it somewhere within the device in my hands. When I’m caught up by the grasp of social media and the internet, I exist in a bubble, distanced from everything and everyone around me, trapped by the experiences and colors of others. My mind is numb, my thoughts empty, consuming, commiserating, and occasionally comparing. I miss the silence of the mind where inventiveness and imagination can take place. I miss the meditation of those moments. This writing is me reaching into those moments. I miss writing on blank pages.

I think the most recent advancements in technology are the enemy of the dreamers, especially those of us who are not diligent, self-controlled, and aware. A seemingly innocuous and helpful device, a really good camera that has WiFi access to the internet during travels, has become a traitor and thief to the mind. An insidious mutiny beginning with accessibility and convenience. There are crucial interludes to be experienced during those occasions of not knowing, being lost, and being alone. The connectivity and mindlessness steals the opportunity of those moments from us. 

I feel that most people don’t struggle with this. Perhaps that’s naive. Perhaps we’re all telling ourselves, “I have this under control. I can stop whenever I want”. I also think I’m late in the game of admission. Plenty of people have “taken a break from social media”. That’s not really what I plan to do actually. I think I just want more time to dream, to find some resolve, to not turn to my device in those moments of frustration and emptiness, to think things through more often instead of pushing them aside, to publicly recognize the toll. Perhaps this became an open confession to being one of the weaker specimens of human. I’ve found that I’m more at risk when I’m already exhausted, when my mind is mud from working all day or if I’m upset at something in my world that will be difficult or impossible to change. The thoughtlessness has a gravity in those times. 

I’m happy for all of you that have your shit together and super jealous of those of you who never had the experience of scrolling mindlessly. I think it’s comparable to smoking: If you never have, don’t start now. Stay far far far away. I’m of the mindset that the benefits do not at all add up to the costs. Our time is so precious and we are only here once.